areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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