The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Mom said you looked used
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
