woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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