this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
