what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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