The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
