Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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