I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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