i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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