She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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