people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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