Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
