Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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