i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
