Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
