Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
