I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
