yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
