please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
