Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
