i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
