He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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