Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
