I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I want her autograph on my taint
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I will be naked everywhere
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
