i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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