I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh god it's open bar.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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