That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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