What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
