u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
