I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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