You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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