i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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