We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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