take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How external is "for external use only"?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
