I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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