My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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