It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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