Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize