I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
