Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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