You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
