I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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