Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
