I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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