Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
