i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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