is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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