I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
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