Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
