im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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