On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
As shirtless as possible
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
