I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
