Her vagina should come with caution tape.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
