Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
