Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
