Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
