Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
A bitchslap is in order.
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