Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
