I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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