just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
