Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
