walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
