did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
