i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
