I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
