There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
