So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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