Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
