Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i drank out of a bidet.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
