Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
