My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize