Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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