Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
