It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
