so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The beer is more important than you right now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
