Your face is a jimmy john
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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