Moan for me like Helen Keller
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
