his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize