I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
