I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
