i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ladies don't puke and tell
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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