Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
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