me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
