just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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