started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
