what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
