There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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