I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
