I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
