I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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