He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
