No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Randomize
