those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
