Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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