Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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