Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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