Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
These tits shall not be calmed
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
