Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
