HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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