I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize