I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
