Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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