idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
