My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
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I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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