i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
