i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she peed on how many people?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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