He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am spending my child support on dildos
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
