i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
they need to just BURY HIM!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
