dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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