apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
