I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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