idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
